Looking Back

Tonight as I sit here typing, a lot is on my mind. 5 years ago today, I was BIG AS 2 HOUSES! I was cleaning the house ( which I never do, willingly) and stopping about every 10 minutes to rest from the heartburn. At that moment I didn't realize how precious those few moments of rest were and how few of them would come again. I don't have a labor Horror story, as many women do. I do however have a story that I see fitting to share tonight. I have never written in down anywhere, another one of those things that one never forgets, right?

My story it rather funny in the get go...Everyone in the house went to sleep, except me. This was a pattern at that time. Who can sleep with a foot in your rib, a hand in your kidney, and a head on your bladder! So I walked the house, cleaned, did dishes, and basically resolved myself that yes, I was in labor. This was only midnight, and I didn't want to wake anyone. Besides, as they say "the first one takes awhile", so there wasn't any need to rush. Well at 4:30 am, I finally woke David up, and then proceeded to get Claire up ( she was easy, she was one excited sister.) We all piled in the car ( 5 am now) and called Dianne to pick up Claire, thinking there was no need for her to miss school, " it would be a while" before the arrival, and she would probably make it back in time after school. That was the plan! And from there you know the what happens....WE PLAN....GOD LAUGHS! And that is what happened...we didn't even take the bag in, thinking David would go and get it when he called Mom, Bryan and Sharon, Etc. We wanted them there. We Planned for them the be there. We got in the room, Claire still with us, Got hooked up to the heartbeat and contraction machines and Dianne arrived. 5:30 am. I asked for drugs at this point...I WANTED DRUGS at this point,(again this was not in the "plan"), they said that they would check me to see if I was far enough along to "stay". I then begged for my doctor, which the nurse finally took as time to check, and she did, and there was the head. TOO LATE FOR DRUGS, TOO late to get the bag, and almost to late for the doctor. And at 5:52 am, without drugs, family, a camera, and almost not doctor, Maxwell arrived. 7 pounds 4 ounces and 20 1/2 inches long. And the plan was out the window. I will spare you the minor details and the "rest" of the of story. But my life at that moment changed forever.

Now five years later, I look back and wonder how things would have been different had I planned differently. Would mom have made it in time if I would have called her at 5 am? Would she have even answered the phone that early? Would Bryan and Sharon have made it in time to drop off the girls at Benny and Wanda's and gotten there in time? Should we have kept Claire there? I don't know the answers, but I do know that God had a plan and it was not the same as mine, but the outcome was perfect. A beautiful gift from God.

So tomorrow morning, I will wake up and again Thank God for that precious gift he quickly gave me 5 years ago. I will hold him tight, just as I did then, and remember that just as on the day he was born, birth went so quickly and now the days go by just as fast. He is growing up. He is becoming a "big boy". And as on that day I wished things would have slowed down so that I could "cherish" it more, I continue to wish these days slow down, so that I can cherish every moment of his life and my time with him.

Happy 5th Birthday, Maxwell Arthur Weber.... I love you more and more each and every day.

Traits...

From the moment a child is born people make speculations of which parent they look like, which parent they act like, which parent they have the most in common with when that parent was a child, and the list goes on and on ( and changes depending on which side of the family you ask).

David and I have stated from the beginning when people ask who he looks like we both say "Maxwell! Who else would he look like?" He doesn't have my eyes, I have my eyes. He doesn't have David's birthmark, David has his own birthmark and it didn't transfer upon Maxwell's birth! However, Maxwell is a great blend of genetics from both David and I. He does have my eye color; he does have a birthmark in the same place as David; as a baby, at about 6 months, he looked very similar to Claire and as a toddler he did look almost identical to David at that age. Do you see the difference in our statements?

Genetics play a role in creating a new person. Not a replica of someone else. Otherwise, the world would be very boring. We want Maxwell to be his own person.We want him to not feel like a shadow of his parents. But no matter how hard you try as a parent, some of our traits ( not genetics) rub off on our children. Over the last few days, I have noticed this more and more. Maxwell imitates things that David and I do. He imitates the voices I use to read to him in within his own reading. And tonight he imitated his dad in the most amusing way.

When David and I started dating, his hair was very thick and long ( not ponytail length or anything, just long for a guy.) He would make sure every hair was in place at all times and still does to this day. And I must admit, he has great hair! So tonight after getting our of the tub, I proceed to comb Maxwell's hair as usual and Maxwell looked at me with a look of disgusted and says " Mommy, don't touch my hair! You will mess up my cool man look!" I was flabbergasted! It was one of the funniest things I had heard all day. So once I stopped laughing, I agreed, he could fix his own hair ( I pick my battles).

I write this post only to remind myself, that no matter how hard I try to make sure that Maxwell becomes his own person, he will pick up a few things from the adults ( and even children) that he is around. And I must add, I am glad that he has picked up his Dad's hair grooming trait! I am more of a brush and go kinda person. I hope he also learns to imitate his Dad's cleaning and cooking habits, as I don't enjoy, nor am I good at either! An added plus to that is that his future wife would appreciate both qualities.

Wings

Yesterday was Easter. And what a glorious Easter it was! Again, I say it is my favorite "holiday". I was able to spend Saturday evening with Maxwell for a "Mommy and Me" date. Dinner at Red Lobster and the off to see the movie "How to Train your Dragon". (It was great BTW). Then off to spend the night at David's home.

Maxwell always gets excited about this, at Easter which sometimes saddens me because he doesn't have Mommy and Daddy together all the time, but this is the hand that was dealt. That said it was a great evening. Claire was there too, so we had the opportunity to catch up a bit. Something else I miss, but again, this is the hand that was dealt. But for that one moment when Maxwell awoke and saw that his Mom, Dad, and sister where all there, he SMILED a wonderfully happy smile ( and it is only 5:45 in the morning). We all attended an emotional and moving Sunrise service and heard our Pastor say those words "The Lord is Risen". This was made even more special, since she is the first women in 238 years, to lead the service. After a delicious breakfast cooked by Aunt Peggy and her Crew, we went home to prepare ourselves ( physically) for a second service. We then shared lunch ( also joined by Dylan, Claire's boyfriend). It was a wonderful morning and afternoon, made even more special by the people we shared it with. On the way home Maxwell feel asleep.

Once he got up, we headed to Maw Maw's and Paw Paw's house. Another glorious event for the day. She was home from the hospital and Maxwell couldn't wait to see her. On the way there, Maxwell decided to verbally process this whole " Easter" thing. He started by asking if Jesus was in heaven now. "Of course" I tell him and then explain that he has been for a long time, we just celebrate the event every year. This was not sufficient for him. The questions began at warp speed!

"Well did he fly there?"..... I Explain...

"Does that mean he has wings?"...I Explain....

"Well did he wear clothes?"...I Explain...

"What about underwear"....I Explain...

"Well will I get to wear my clothes when I die?"...I Explain...

"Can you only go to heaven on Easter?" I Explain...

"Did Jesus send the Easter Bunny?" ...I Explain...

Thank God that Maw Maw and Paw Paw are only a 30 minute drive, because the questions were getting more and more complex for me to answer in 5 year old comprehension terms. We finally arrive and pull in the driveway, and stop the car. I turn off the engine and go to get out of the car but he stops me and says" Mommy, I am going to have wings like Jesus one day and fly to heaven to meet Paw Paw Larry and Paw Paw Bruce and I can't wait!"

I guess he gets it now...Easter, the flowers we put on the graves, the graves we clean, the reason for celebrating. Thanks BE TO GOD for another Glorious Resurrection!

Good Friday

Good Friday...What did you do today? What did you think about? Do you know the meaning of this day? For many, today was a beautiful day to spend outside playing, golfing, or maybe indoors shopping or Spring Cleaning. These are not bad things, mind you. I am not judging. I even stopped and ran a few errands myself this afternoon. However many forget to take the time to remember the true meaning of Good Friday.

For those of you who know me well, you know that my favorite holiday is Easter. It has been for as long as I can remember. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the Savior's birth, especially as a kid. However, the feeling in my heart that I get at this time of the year is one of completeness, of rebirth of my spirit, and of anticipation of a Glorious Resurrection.

While many rush through Holy Week without recognizing it or complaining that "I go to church to much" this week, I savor it. I read the scripture from the Holy Week Readings and find comfort in it. I must confess here that often I miss days of the Daily Text and try to play catch up at times. I do lead a rushed life and should slow down more. But the Lenten Season does this for me. I want to slow down. And I do.

My Pastor asked the congregation to pick someone this week from the scripture and place ourselves in that person's position in Jerusalem during the time period of the events of Jesus' last week on Earth. We were to think about how that person felt watching the events take place. Basically "become" that person. I decided, since I was a mother, to place myself as Mary, mother of Jesus. I thought about her a lot this week. How must she have felt to watch her son be mocked, beaten, humiliated and then crucified. And to know in the last moments of his life, He still thought of her and gave her a son, one of his disciples, so that she would be cared for on Earth. The agony that she might have felt became real for me today during the Crucifixion Service. I am always saddened during this service, however today I felt it deeply. Yet as I prayed a Peace came over me. A feeling of Empty Peace. The faith she must have had in God. And at the same time the huge Emptiness she felt. So I sit here tonight with that same Emptiness. An emptiness I feel every year between the Crucifixion service and the Sunrise Service. The emptiness from knowing, that for a short period of time the Earth was void of the Savior. Yet this year, I feel it a bit differently. A bit more personal. It allowed me the opportunity to grow as a mother and cherish, even more, my time with Maxwell. Even if it is just sitting on the couch eating popcorn ( way past his bedtime).

I know on Sunday morning I will cry again. But they will be tears of joy. I will will once again Praise God for his unconditional love and Thank Jesus for his sacrifice for me and for all . I will spiritually be reborn. It is a moment I cherish each year and there is nothing, be it rain, unpleasant people, or even below freezing temperatures that can take that away from me. It is a truly GLORIOUS moment. This year, I will think of Mary. As I listen to My Pastor, A women, Speak those words "HE IS RISEN". A first for the Moravian Church. And instead of thousands shouting the words "Crucify", as they did so many years ago....Thousands will respond "HE IS RISEN INDEED!!!" And with those words, my emptiness will go and all that will remain is PEACE.

May Peace be with you also....Until He Comes

Lisa and Maxwell

Family

I haven't blogged abut the adventures around here the last few days for many reasons. One being I have been to tired. Two being I have been more focused on Maw Maw. And three, I haven't really had much to say.
Things changed today. Maw Maw has been on a ventilator in ICU at Baptist for 8 days. We have been worried, yet optimistic. Never letting go of the faith in an AMAZING GOD. I was reminded tonight after Holy Week Service that when we ask something in Jesus' name, it will be answered. So we continue to ask for Maw Maw to heal.
Maxwell and I prayed again tonight. He prayed that God would make Maw Maw feel better, as well as Aunt Peggy and Ms. Nancy. He also prayed that Aunt Leigh wouldn't feel sad. I cried tears of joy for the loving heart in him. He remembers all the things he hears and is told about the people he loves and at night when we pray, he gives them to God without prompting. He knows and reminds me when I forget, that is what we are supposed to do. You see God never fails us. No matter what happens, God does answer our prayers. Over the past few days we have prayed hard for Maw Maw to come off the ventilator, so tonight when Maxwell asked if the tube was out of Maw Maw's mouth. I could tell him yes. ( he followed this with " I don't want them to put that tube back in her"). Many of us have said this over the past week. And many of us have prayed. And though it didn't happen the first day we prayed, we continued and prayers were answered.

It is amazing to me how God's plan can become so clear to us at times. I feel like I understand God's plan more tonight. I have been thinking...probably too much. But I continue to find good in this experience. Over the past 8 days I feel like I have become even closer to my extended family. I am grateful for this opportunity. I would have liked it to have been under different circumstances, however, maybe this was God's plan. I love my family. However there are times when I feel like I don't know them as well as I should. So as I give thanks tonight for Maw Maw's healing and Jesus' death for me and for many, I also give thanks for bringing me closer to my family and for the things that I have learned this week from all of them.

Family tidbits.....

• It amazes me how different all of my mother's siblings and my mother are in many things, yet how much they are alike too
• as they age...(although all still young), I see how much they begin to look alike
• they are all beautiful and caring people, each in their own way (I think Grandmother did well in this area)
• My Aunt Roverda was Miss Dairy Princess
• the photos of Aunt Brenda and Mom as little Miss Sunbeam were great entertainment
• my cousins, Ron and Jeffery have a lot to share if you take time to listen. And I enjoyed listening.
• The Ellis gene of worrying is in all of them...and that's okay, I will keep telling them all to find the rainbows behind the dark clouds.
• I learned that Maw Maw is right...Maxwell does remind me of Jeffery. And that gives me comfort, as he has grown to be a good Christian man with a very loving wife. What more could a mother ask for?
• Uncle Tom has lots of perseverance with technology.
• Debbie has the sweetest bedside manner and a smile that melts away any worry.
• Ron and Michelle have a great sense of humor
• Paw Paw and I have a lot in common..he is a great fill in Dad. Not a replacement, but definitely a good fill in.
• Mom and Maw Maw mean the world to me and I felt so thankful when they were both in the room. How lucky I am to have them both.
• Aunt Brenda always makes me laugh...even when she doesn't mean it. She is a funny lady!
• Uncle Robbie would do anything in the world for his family...all you have to do is ask.
• Julia and Diana have a great mother/daughter relationship. They are both full of so much love.
• Sara Beth has a great game I need to learn to play:)
• Paw Paw's navy experiences are interesting to me.
• All of us really stink at the game of Charade

There are many more things I have learned...this is just a few. I say all of this here because I don't want to forget them. I began this blog so that Maxwell would have something to look back on, but maybe it is for me too.

As you take communion tomorrow, remember the reason. Remember the road that Jesus took during this time. Remember the pain and suffering and remember the love poured out for you. I may forget a lot of things that have happened this week over the course of time. But I will not forget the gifts that I have been given. The gift of a wonderful family. The gift of having Maw Maw with us for another day. The gift of a God loving child. And most of all the gift that Jesus gave me so long ago of salvation. May you all have a blessed Easter and may God continue to bless you all in the days to come.

Gone Fishing....

Sometimes we all get a bit too busy in life. We rush from one place to another doing this and that and forget to stop and enjoy what we are doing. Saturday was a great day. We rushed to get to the Easter Egg Hunt, we rushed to get everything set up, and then rushed to make sure everyone got eggs. Then afterward, we rushed to clean up so that we could all rush off to the next thing we had to do. I had to visit a friend and drop off orders from my Thirty-One sale. So during all this, I rushed past Mom's house to drop off her stuff and noticed she wasn't home.( Not unusual, she rushes around a lot, too) I then had to rush to drop off Sharon's stuff at her house, so I could rush off to Mocksville. On the way from Mom's house to Sharon's, Maxwell yells out " There is Nanny's car!". I was rushing so much, I didn't see it. But HE DID. So we pulled over to find out why Nanny was parked in the grass and found her fishing ( Again, nothing unusual.) Nanny loves to fish. All the Grandchildren love to fish with her. It is all they talk about during the Spring and Summer. She has purchased them all poles and they LOVE IT. So we stopped and began fishing with Nanny. You see, I was so rushed to get things done, I didn't even notice Nanny's car. It wasn't in my plan to look for it. But Maxwell, being the small child he is, isn't so rushed and he did notice. What does that say about me? I think it says, God wants me to slow down. You see, children don't see the "stress" that we see. They only see the physical and the now. Maxwell wanted to see Nanny. He knew she wasn't home after we stopped by her house. So he looked for her and found her. I am grateful that he did. We both stopped and enjoyed a bit of fishing. We slowed down and enjoyed the moment and made many memories. And when I left, I didn't leave as fast as I arrived. Yes, I was "later" than I planned for my next appointment. But it was worth it. I am so grateful for Maxwell's reminder of slowing down. Once again, my angel on earth is a messenger from God, sent to remind me of what I need to be doing. SO when I continue to complain about how tired I am ( for many more reasons than most), this will be a reminder to slow down. Because after all, we all need to take time to go fishing. Isn't that why God gave us worms?

The Train Driving Dentist

Maxwell went to the dentist today. His first "real" visit. We have talked about all the things they were going to do today and he was actually very excited. When we arrived, he played in the play house and with the toys while I completed paperwork. Then it was his turn! He we go....Ms. Tiffany took him back, with me following, and gave him a brand new toothbrush to start! You would have thought he won the lottery! He was soooo excited. ( I don't think most children get that excited over a toothbrush, I know I didn't as a kid). Then he got to play with more toys, while they "interviewed" me about Maxwell's eating and brushing habits. He passed, with the exception of one thing: Daddy has got to stop making him drink from a "sippy cup", even if Maxwell likes it. He is almost 5 and he probably wont spill it. So then it was time to climb up on the table. He jumped up without a problem and they gave him the "coolest" Lightning McQueen sunglasses to wear. HOG HEAVEN! They could have chopped off his arm and he would still be smiling! They did the routine check, then on to x-rays, cleaning with Orange polish paste, painting with Tutti-Fruiti flavored fluoride all while they were wearing cherry flavored gloves. Kind of like a fruit salad, if you ask me. But he loved it and SAT STILL. That is a feat within itself. He left with 2 stickers, a ball from the Treasure tower, a new toothbrush, berry flavored floss and a Buzz Lightyear Flosser. (I wont tell you what the bargain price for all of this was though.) He asked to go again tomorrow. And in case you wondered where the title came from....Maxwell really wants to be a Dentist that drives a train when he grows up....so start planning your train trips around your next teeth cleanings, because should all Train "drivers" know how to clean teeth and do a root canal while heading across the country?