Looking Back

Tonight as I sit here typing, a lot is on my mind. 5 years ago today, I was BIG AS 2 HOUSES! I was cleaning the house ( which I never do, willingly) and stopping about every 10 minutes to rest from the heartburn. At that moment I didn't realize how precious those few moments of rest were and how few of them would come again. I don't have a labor Horror story, as many women do. I do however have a story that I see fitting to share tonight. I have never written in down anywhere, another one of those things that one never forgets, right?

My story it rather funny in the get go...Everyone in the house went to sleep, except me. This was a pattern at that time. Who can sleep with a foot in your rib, a hand in your kidney, and a head on your bladder! So I walked the house, cleaned, did dishes, and basically resolved myself that yes, I was in labor. This was only midnight, and I didn't want to wake anyone. Besides, as they say "the first one takes awhile", so there wasn't any need to rush. Well at 4:30 am, I finally woke David up, and then proceeded to get Claire up ( she was easy, she was one excited sister.) We all piled in the car ( 5 am now) and called Dianne to pick up Claire, thinking there was no need for her to miss school, " it would be a while" before the arrival, and she would probably make it back in time after school. That was the plan! And from there you know the what happens....WE PLAN....GOD LAUGHS! And that is what happened...we didn't even take the bag in, thinking David would go and get it when he called Mom, Bryan and Sharon, Etc. We wanted them there. We Planned for them the be there. We got in the room, Claire still with us, Got hooked up to the heartbeat and contraction machines and Dianne arrived. 5:30 am. I asked for drugs at this point...I WANTED DRUGS at this point,(again this was not in the "plan"), they said that they would check me to see if I was far enough along to "stay". I then begged for my doctor, which the nurse finally took as time to check, and she did, and there was the head. TOO LATE FOR DRUGS, TOO late to get the bag, and almost to late for the doctor. And at 5:52 am, without drugs, family, a camera, and almost not doctor, Maxwell arrived. 7 pounds 4 ounces and 20 1/2 inches long. And the plan was out the window. I will spare you the minor details and the "rest" of the of story. But my life at that moment changed forever.

Now five years later, I look back and wonder how things would have been different had I planned differently. Would mom have made it in time if I would have called her at 5 am? Would she have even answered the phone that early? Would Bryan and Sharon have made it in time to drop off the girls at Benny and Wanda's and gotten there in time? Should we have kept Claire there? I don't know the answers, but I do know that God had a plan and it was not the same as mine, but the outcome was perfect. A beautiful gift from God.

So tomorrow morning, I will wake up and again Thank God for that precious gift he quickly gave me 5 years ago. I will hold him tight, just as I did then, and remember that just as on the day he was born, birth went so quickly and now the days go by just as fast. He is growing up. He is becoming a "big boy". And as on that day I wished things would have slowed down so that I could "cherish" it more, I continue to wish these days slow down, so that I can cherish every moment of his life and my time with him.

Happy 5th Birthday, Maxwell Arthur Weber.... I love you more and more each and every day.

Traits...

From the moment a child is born people make speculations of which parent they look like, which parent they act like, which parent they have the most in common with when that parent was a child, and the list goes on and on ( and changes depending on which side of the family you ask).

David and I have stated from the beginning when people ask who he looks like we both say "Maxwell! Who else would he look like?" He doesn't have my eyes, I have my eyes. He doesn't have David's birthmark, David has his own birthmark and it didn't transfer upon Maxwell's birth! However, Maxwell is a great blend of genetics from both David and I. He does have my eye color; he does have a birthmark in the same place as David; as a baby, at about 6 months, he looked very similar to Claire and as a toddler he did look almost identical to David at that age. Do you see the difference in our statements?

Genetics play a role in creating a new person. Not a replica of someone else. Otherwise, the world would be very boring. We want Maxwell to be his own person.We want him to not feel like a shadow of his parents. But no matter how hard you try as a parent, some of our traits ( not genetics) rub off on our children. Over the last few days, I have noticed this more and more. Maxwell imitates things that David and I do. He imitates the voices I use to read to him in within his own reading. And tonight he imitated his dad in the most amusing way.

When David and I started dating, his hair was very thick and long ( not ponytail length or anything, just long for a guy.) He would make sure every hair was in place at all times and still does to this day. And I must admit, he has great hair! So tonight after getting our of the tub, I proceed to comb Maxwell's hair as usual and Maxwell looked at me with a look of disgusted and says " Mommy, don't touch my hair! You will mess up my cool man look!" I was flabbergasted! It was one of the funniest things I had heard all day. So once I stopped laughing, I agreed, he could fix his own hair ( I pick my battles).

I write this post only to remind myself, that no matter how hard I try to make sure that Maxwell becomes his own person, he will pick up a few things from the adults ( and even children) that he is around. And I must add, I am glad that he has picked up his Dad's hair grooming trait! I am more of a brush and go kinda person. I hope he also learns to imitate his Dad's cleaning and cooking habits, as I don't enjoy, nor am I good at either! An added plus to that is that his future wife would appreciate both qualities.

Wings

Yesterday was Easter. And what a glorious Easter it was! Again, I say it is my favorite "holiday". I was able to spend Saturday evening with Maxwell for a "Mommy and Me" date. Dinner at Red Lobster and the off to see the movie "How to Train your Dragon". (It was great BTW). Then off to spend the night at David's home.

Maxwell always gets excited about this, at Easter which sometimes saddens me because he doesn't have Mommy and Daddy together all the time, but this is the hand that was dealt. That said it was a great evening. Claire was there too, so we had the opportunity to catch up a bit. Something else I miss, but again, this is the hand that was dealt. But for that one moment when Maxwell awoke and saw that his Mom, Dad, and sister where all there, he SMILED a wonderfully happy smile ( and it is only 5:45 in the morning). We all attended an emotional and moving Sunrise service and heard our Pastor say those words "The Lord is Risen". This was made even more special, since she is the first women in 238 years, to lead the service. After a delicious breakfast cooked by Aunt Peggy and her Crew, we went home to prepare ourselves ( physically) for a second service. We then shared lunch ( also joined by Dylan, Claire's boyfriend). It was a wonderful morning and afternoon, made even more special by the people we shared it with. On the way home Maxwell feel asleep.

Once he got up, we headed to Maw Maw's and Paw Paw's house. Another glorious event for the day. She was home from the hospital and Maxwell couldn't wait to see her. On the way there, Maxwell decided to verbally process this whole " Easter" thing. He started by asking if Jesus was in heaven now. "Of course" I tell him and then explain that he has been for a long time, we just celebrate the event every year. This was not sufficient for him. The questions began at warp speed!

"Well did he fly there?"..... I Explain...

"Does that mean he has wings?"...I Explain....

"Well did he wear clothes?"...I Explain...

"What about underwear"....I Explain...

"Well will I get to wear my clothes when I die?"...I Explain...

"Can you only go to heaven on Easter?" I Explain...

"Did Jesus send the Easter Bunny?" ...I Explain...

Thank God that Maw Maw and Paw Paw are only a 30 minute drive, because the questions were getting more and more complex for me to answer in 5 year old comprehension terms. We finally arrive and pull in the driveway, and stop the car. I turn off the engine and go to get out of the car but he stops me and says" Mommy, I am going to have wings like Jesus one day and fly to heaven to meet Paw Paw Larry and Paw Paw Bruce and I can't wait!"

I guess he gets it now...Easter, the flowers we put on the graves, the graves we clean, the reason for celebrating. Thanks BE TO GOD for another Glorious Resurrection!

Good Friday

Good Friday...What did you do today? What did you think about? Do you know the meaning of this day? For many, today was a beautiful day to spend outside playing, golfing, or maybe indoors shopping or Spring Cleaning. These are not bad things, mind you. I am not judging. I even stopped and ran a few errands myself this afternoon. However many forget to take the time to remember the true meaning of Good Friday.

For those of you who know me well, you know that my favorite holiday is Easter. It has been for as long as I can remember. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the Savior's birth, especially as a kid. However, the feeling in my heart that I get at this time of the year is one of completeness, of rebirth of my spirit, and of anticipation of a Glorious Resurrection.

While many rush through Holy Week without recognizing it or complaining that "I go to church to much" this week, I savor it. I read the scripture from the Holy Week Readings and find comfort in it. I must confess here that often I miss days of the Daily Text and try to play catch up at times. I do lead a rushed life and should slow down more. But the Lenten Season does this for me. I want to slow down. And I do.

My Pastor asked the congregation to pick someone this week from the scripture and place ourselves in that person's position in Jerusalem during the time period of the events of Jesus' last week on Earth. We were to think about how that person felt watching the events take place. Basically "become" that person. I decided, since I was a mother, to place myself as Mary, mother of Jesus. I thought about her a lot this week. How must she have felt to watch her son be mocked, beaten, humiliated and then crucified. And to know in the last moments of his life, He still thought of her and gave her a son, one of his disciples, so that she would be cared for on Earth. The agony that she might have felt became real for me today during the Crucifixion Service. I am always saddened during this service, however today I felt it deeply. Yet as I prayed a Peace came over me. A feeling of Empty Peace. The faith she must have had in God. And at the same time the huge Emptiness she felt. So I sit here tonight with that same Emptiness. An emptiness I feel every year between the Crucifixion service and the Sunrise Service. The emptiness from knowing, that for a short period of time the Earth was void of the Savior. Yet this year, I feel it a bit differently. A bit more personal. It allowed me the opportunity to grow as a mother and cherish, even more, my time with Maxwell. Even if it is just sitting on the couch eating popcorn ( way past his bedtime).

I know on Sunday morning I will cry again. But they will be tears of joy. I will will once again Praise God for his unconditional love and Thank Jesus for his sacrifice for me and for all . I will spiritually be reborn. It is a moment I cherish each year and there is nothing, be it rain, unpleasant people, or even below freezing temperatures that can take that away from me. It is a truly GLORIOUS moment. This year, I will think of Mary. As I listen to My Pastor, A women, Speak those words "HE IS RISEN". A first for the Moravian Church. And instead of thousands shouting the words "Crucify", as they did so many years ago....Thousands will respond "HE IS RISEN INDEED!!!" And with those words, my emptiness will go and all that will remain is PEACE.

May Peace be with you also....Until He Comes

Lisa and Maxwell